30+ Hilarious Lawyer Jokes

A lawyer’s profession has always been confused by someone who himself has never had to associate with the occupation. This I why lawyers are the subject of everyone’s jokes. If you have any lawyer friend in your group you will know how easy it is to make their fun. Lawyers’ need to be good with words. And their job description demands them to twist the truth sometimes. This is why their profession can easily be molded into jokes by a little exaggeration. Scroll down to see our compilation of the funniest lawyer jokes.

Read More: 20+ Funniest Dentist Jokes to Crack You Up

How to Use Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer jokes are hilarious. You can exchange them with your friends. It gets better if one of your friends is a lawyer. But, make sure none of the jokes get too offensive. Sometimes a joke told the wrong one can blow up on your face or threaten your relationships. So, think thoroughly before it is too late.

Lawyer Jokes

  • How do you differentiate between good and bad lawyers? A bad lawyer lets the case go on for plenty of years. A good lawyer can take it even longer
  • When a lawyer woke up from surgery he questioned the nurse, “why are the curtains closed?” The nurse answered, “The building parallel to this one has caught a huge fire and we thought we should do not want you to wake up and think that you are in hell.”
  • An old drunk, an honest lawyer, Cupid, and a fairy spotted a hundred dollar bill on the street simultaneously. Who got it? The old drunk, the other three are imaginary beings.
  • How do you differentiate between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One is a spineless, venomous splotch. The other is a sea creature.
  • How are apple and lawyers alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.
  • If you give a lawyer Viagra, what does he get? Taller
  • How to tell if a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving
  • How can you differentiate between an escort and a lawyer? An escort screws one person at a time.
  • What are 25 skydiving lawyers called? Skeet
  • Why is it illegal and unethical for lawyers and clients to have slept together> So that the clients are not billed twice for the same service
  • What is the separation between witnesses and the lowest form of life on Earth? The wooded partition around the witness stand.
  • How will you get a lawyer out of a tree? By cutting the rope.
  • How many lawyer jokes are there? Only around 3, the rest are true stories.
  • What did the card the lawyer gave to his ill client say? Get well enough to testify
  • What is it called when there are ten thousand lawyers at the bottom of the sea? An extraordinary increase in PPP
  • What did the businessman advice his son? Do not ever see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first
  • What looks good on a lawyer and is brown and black in color? A Doberman pinscher
  • What did the secretary say when her boss asked her, “Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at the party, you could neglect the word?” My lawyer.
  • Why did the lawyer go to Heaven? Because Hell was full.
  • What is a lawyer who does not know the law called? A judge
  • What is a lawyer with an IQ of 50 called? Your honor
  • How to stop a lawyer from drowning? Just shoot him before he hits the water.
  • When a hundred lawyers are buried up till their necks, what do you have? Not enough sand.
  • When do you know the lawyer is being honest? When his mouth is shut
  • How to differentiate between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a smarmy filth sucking, low dwelling hunter. The other one is a fish.
  • What is a lawyer that has gone bad called? A senator
  • How can you differentiate between God and a lawyer? God does not think He’s a lawyer, whereas a lawyer thinks of himself as a god.
  • What figure of speech is ‘an honest lawyer’ example of? An oxymoron
  • Why can’t you find lawyers sunbathing at the beach? The cats continue covering them over with sand
  • A lawyer was skimming the Holy Book right before he died, why? He was looking for loopholes
  • How can you differentiate between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer has knowledge of the law; a great lawyer, however, knows the judge better.
  • Why did the scientists start using lawyers in laboratories instead of rats? They realized they do not become so attached to the lawyers.
  • How can you differentiate between a lawyer and a leech? The leech will eventually stop sucking your blood after you are dead.
  • How would you define lawyers accurately? A person who makes two men fight and run off with their money and belongings
  • How many lawyers does it take to put up one light bulb? Just one, but it has to have a good cause.
  • How many lawyers does it take to screw a light bulb? Four; one to climb the ladder, the other to hold it, the third one to shake the ladder and, the fourth one to sue the ladder company.
  • What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start
  • What do you it when a lawyer is thrown from a boat to the ocean? Water pollution
  • What do you call it when you cross a pig and a lawyer? This will never happen, there are some things even pigs would never do.
  • How many lawyers does it take to completely plater a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them
  • What do you call it when you cross a corrupt politician with a crooked lawyer> Chelsea Clinton
  • Why can you not trust doctors and lawyers? Because they are both still practicing their profession
  • What do you call lawyers that are parachuting? Skeet
  • If you are stuck with Adolf Hitler, Donald Trump, a lawyer and a cobra in an elevator with just two bullets, what will be the wisest move to make? Killing the lawyer twice.

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