No matter where you go, people, have a way of getting into your head by hurling out savage insults or mean remarks. You can either turn the other cheek around or step up to them so that they do not keep going down this road.
It is better to shut these bullies now with sarcastic comebacks rather than hurting silently and wishing you had defended yourself. The thing with bullies is that there is no limit, they blurt anything out to feel more significant, but you do not have to drop to their level. Instead of rude comebacks, reply with snappy yet funny comebacks.
We have a list of good comebacks for the jerks to put down the haters in any scenario. You do not have to be terrified of them anymore, after all, they are just frightened little people hiding behind a mean persona, just like Zac Efron says in 17 Again.
Read More: 20+ Funniest Dentist Jokes to Crack You Up
Table of Contents
Funny Comebacks for Every Situation
- You should roam around with a plant, this way you will at least make up for all the oxygen you waste.
- All this jealousy makes me green, how lucky are people who have never met you.
- Talking to you makes me realize why toothpaste tubes come with instructions on them
- You should apologize to plants for wasting all the oxygen they make on you.
- If there were a competition between you and Anne Frank’s piano set, the piano set would win as being the more useful one.
- I wish I had a poor memory; this way, I could at least forget your existence.
- Apologies but, there must have been some confusion because I am not somebody who gives a damn.
- Oh, what will I give to have a mute button for you?
- Do us a favor and hike up to your ego, jump to the level of your IQ and kill yourself.
- Are you Google? Because I do not remember asking you anything.
- Meeting you makes me realize why we have a middle finger.
- Oh, I am so sorry I did not know you were a life consultant who gets to give me suggestions on how to live my life.
- Even Barbie is jealous of how plastic you are.
- Were you made in China? Because only they can make something as fake as this.
- You are most certainly entitled to your incorrect opinion.
- I would love to agree with you, but I hate being wrong.
Best Mean Comebacks
- You will get a reasonable rate if you sell that brain of yours, it seems pretty unused and new.
- I bet your girlfriend/boyfriend is gorgeous and smart because opposites attract, you know.
- Even though the quote goes, “there are two sides to each story”, and you are a jerk in both of them.
- I have found more personality in a rusty bicycle handle.
- Do you always behave this dumb, or do you make a special effort when I am around?
- When someone calls you ugly say: Aw, my inspiration for today’s look was you.
- Since you seem to know everything, how are you so unaware of when to shut up?
- I heard they launched a new app called “Life”, maybe you should get it.
- No, I’m not always annoyed by you, only when you are breathing.
- I am not going to advise you to be yourself.
- I do not recall subscribing to your issues.
- Did my back hurt your knife?
- If period cramps were a person, they’d act like you.
- I would rather lie on a mattress of nails than sit here and listen to you talk.
- When someone calls you ugly, reply with “are you talking into a mirror?”
- When you roll your eyes, I assume that you are checking for a brain up there and find yourself disappointed.
- If you only worked rest of your body as much as you roll your eyes, at least you would be in good shape today.
- When someone complains that you have not called or contacted them, reply with: I am sorry, I did not know your phone only has incoming functioning but no outgoing capabilities.
- Hey, look what I found? Your nose in my business!
- You remind me of the donkey from Shrek.
- If I wanted to handle bitchy behavior, I would adopt a puppy.
- Were you bee in your previous life? Because of your words sting.
- Are you from a family of cacti? Because everyone in your family is a prick.
Good Comebacks For Kids
- I believe that one day, you will go far. Please do not come back.
- Such a shame they do not sell brain on Amazon, or else I would have gifted you one.
- Guess what is common between the soldier who did not kill Adolf Hitler and your parents? They both made huge mistakes.
- I got a call from the zoo today; they were asking how you escaped the cage.
- I was a massive believer in evolution, but seeing you makes me realize that it can work in reverse as well.
- Have you taken classes in being this stupid?
- I would call you a dog, but that is an insult to the poor creatures.
- All men are like dogs, except when it comes to faithfulness and loyalty.
- How do you find time in the morning to wear makeup on both of your faces?
- Even my therapist is annoyed with you.
- Shut up and listen, you can hear the sound of me giving zero damns
- Even onions cry, looking at your face.
- I could have a three-year-old draw with his left hand, and that would still be prettier than your face
- If you got on a weighing machine, it would tell you that it needs your weight, not your cell phone number
- If you go to a contest for the stupid, they will not let you participate saying “you are a professional”.
- Hear the loud, screaming sound of me, ignoring you.
- I want to recommend a Taylor Swift song to you; it is called “Mean.”
- I would appreciate it if you do not interrupt me in my ignoring time
- You make me wish people came with a remote control
- Before you go on about how you hate me, you should keep in mind that I could care less
- Here I got you some makeup for lunch, maybe that will make you prettier on the inside
- The only problem with your face is that it is right here in front of me.
- I would say that you are hilarious, but that would be shallow of me because looks are not everything
- Lucky for you, being a dumb asshole is not a crime
- Your opinion is just as useful as a banana slicer
- Not seeing your face again would be like a dream come true
- You have been a jerk your entire life; maybe you should give it some rest
- You are more annoying than spam text messages
- Is there medicine for having severe attitudinal problems, because I think you might need it?
Witty Comebacks For Guys
- If I never see your face again, I would not mind
- When someone calls you ugly, tell them that “I can get some makeup and fix this, but you will always be a mean and insecure bully your entire life.”
- I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than hear you talk
- Your opinion is just as relevant as the
- I care about you just as much as people did about Kevin Jonas in the Jonas Brothers
- I have seen more personality in a trashcan
- What is it, Show How Ugly You are on Inside Day?
- You are the kind of insecure person who waits the whole day to call out others to get validation from your friends.
- When someone calls you a slut, say “actually, I am the one who never gives a fuck”.
- Isn’t it ironic that people who have to say the most about me do not know a thing about me?
- People like you are the inspiration behind Taylor Swift’s hit song “Mean.”
- Talk to me when your mouth is not full of lies
- Are you sure that I am jealous or are you just insecure?
- God made you as torture to the humankind
- This school’s dumbness levels can decrease if you leave
- You are lowering the average levels of intelligence of this place
- If constipation were fatal, you would be dead by now, seeing how full of shit you are
- It would be great if you do us all a huge favor and interchange your lipstick with a glue stick
- Please leave the job of making drama to Shakespeare
- I am sure one of your hobbies include thinking of ways to ruin someone’s days
- You should go to Hollywood; you are great at making a big deal of small things
- I wonder how you passed Elementary School
- I do not believe in aliens, but I wish they were real and take you to throw you in a black hole
- If there were a competition to see what is emptier, your brain or the black hole, the black hole would easily win
- Does your drama come with an intermission? Because I am tired
- “I can make a drama out of nothing”, you should put that on your resume
Best Ever Comebacks For Haters
- Hey, before you pass judgments about me, how about having a look at yourself, too?
- It is a pity how you spend all that time thinking of ways to make me cry, whereas you do not even cross my mind until we cross paths
- I did not mean to hurt you by calling you a sociopath; I thought you were aware of it.
- I wish you could fix your ugly personality with Photoshop-like your Instagram pictures, but alas!
- Do you remember the time when you minded your own business? Yeah me, neither.
- I would rather be friends with Regina George than you
- The reason no one like you is, well you
- If it were not illegal to abandon your baby, your parents would have done it when you were born
- I am sure the only person that likes you is your mother
- Why don’t you open an Instagram fan page for me, considering how obsessed you are with me?
- If speaking dumb was a language, you would be bilingual
- I would care about your hateful comments, but I am taking Taylor Swift’s advice and shaking it off
- If you wrote a booklet on how to annoy someone, it would be a bestseller
- You are proof that the mental age and physical age are two completely different figures
- You make me feel like Britney Spears in 2007
- You should carry a big spoon with you, will make your habit of stirring trouble easier
- Have you ever tried being a nice person, it is not that hard
- I wish some people knew when to shut their mouth
- Be careful; you might choke on all the shit you say
- Is your father a toilet plunger? Because you sure know how to bring up old shit.
- All these hateful words coming out of your mouth are purely out of insecurities, and honestly, I feel bad for you
- Your therapist is not doing a great job, stop wasting your money
- You make me wish that there was no freedom of speech
Clever Comebacks In An Argument
- Stop pretending to be a smartass, when all you are is an ass
- Did you take all night to come up with that lame remark?
- Seriously? That is the best you have?
- Are you a time traveler, because judging from your shallowness you seem like someone from the dark ages?
- Your looks can give nightmares to Chucky
- Who dressed you up, a blind hater?
- I care about your opinion just as much you care about looking good
- If you spent half as much time studying as you do thinking of mean comments, you could at least pass school.
- Can I offer you some perfume for the stench of your lies
- Everyone has a villain in their life; such a shame mine is so lame
- You are a lesson in my life
- Jumping in front of a bus sounds more appealing than hearing you talk
- If playgrounds used mental age as a measure, you would still be allowed to take the swings.
6 thoughts on “50+ Snappy Comebacks for Bullies”
Some of these are really funny. I’ll have to show some of them to my grandson.
These are hilarious! Way to keep humor during these times! Thanks for sharing!
These are great! My son would love some of these. Thanks for the fun.
on the kids one the 3rd one is a little two harsh.
I hope no one has to use these on people. A lot of them were rude and said bad words. I didn’t think they were the best. But again, I hope no one will be bullying or bullied.
This REALLY helps, especially being in a crappy program where staff AND clients bully you for literally anything, like, applesause comparing to your looks for example while some of us are getting ready for school -_- Now I have something actually better to say so that they know that they’re being a bully because the regional director doesn’t do anything no matter how many times us clients will report to him. LITERALLY.